Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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