I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Randomize
