Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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