Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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