Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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