I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
