he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
