Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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