Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
