Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He did a backflip because drugs
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