Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
