I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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