so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
