I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
