If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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