6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize