You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
