I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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