Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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