i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
