I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
