I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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