If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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