You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
