This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
