On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize