Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
