chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
