Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
