She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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