He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
