He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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