I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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