you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
