i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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