I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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