i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
