she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
