You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
