a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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