Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
