she looked like the before picture.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
