Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
