is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
