i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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