goodnight i made you a song goodbye
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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