is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
