Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
