I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
