with your own penis?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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