if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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