Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
