Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
