im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do herpes really smell.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
