i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
