Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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