I met the friendliest cop last night
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
