Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
