Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
