YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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