so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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