I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize