Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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