Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
