Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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