Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
