Where is the hickey?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
