her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
