When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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