i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
